Cheap Tricks: Duct Tape!

Silence is Golden, Duct tape is Silver

Duct tape is like The Force: It has a Light side, a Dark side, and it holds the fucking universe together. Remember the days when duct tape was fucking useless? Me neither. I have rescued many a household object or appliance with the silver wonder.

THE COLORS, DUKE! THE COLORS!!!!!!

Nowadays, though, duct tape has gone from being just silver and handy to being a fashionable cloth-alternative! Apparently I-- as a 14 year old making straight-legged pants into bell-bottoms to aggravate my mother beyond words, was years ahead of a hot fashion trend. There are literally hundreds of articles and photos of high schoolers making prom outfits entirely out of duct tape, and with all the colors and patterns of the magical material available, you have no excuses NOT to have something ducked (see what I did there? I'm a genius.). So get your asses to the hardware shop and get crafty!

I, for one, will be dressing my creep in NOTHING BUT DUCT TAPE FROM NOW ON!

Some things I've found with just a quick Google search:

- Ol' Faithful: Duck brand sells colored and patterned tape to make truly amazing shit!
- DIY like crazy: Here's one of about a million instruction sites that you can use to get started on formal court duct tape fabulousness.
- This site, ducttapefashion.com boasts another bunch of gloriously patterned and colorful rolls, including college brands for those of you who really feel the need to affiliate with universities.
- Need more inspiration? Duck's "Stuck at Prom" contest boasts a massive gallery of beautiful, bright designs.

PROTIP: When you finally decide to make yourself an article of the delicious wonder-material, take the time and get a friend to help you make a duct-tape dummy for custom-fit. It really is the cheapest alternative to splurging on a full-on dress-form.
PROTIP 2: Buy cheap fabric to cover the sticky side and treat the tape JUST LIKE REAL FABRIC. Just don't machine wash it, as sometimes washing can damage the adhesive.

Cheap Tricks: Stink Like You Mean It!

If you're gonna be a creep, you gotta smell like one.

Today's cheap trick is more or less common knowledge for us veteran creepazoids. So here's what most of you already know: Eat stuff with onions and garlic before you play your creepy little Nosferatu, and project your 'H-words!'

Other options are potent cheeses like gouda, hard-boiled eggs.

For the particularly adventurous, try mixing different fragrance oils and soaking a cotton ball with the oil, and sticking the ball in a pocket. (Use plastic wrap to protect the fabric if you're particularly attached to the garment.)

Cheap Tricks: Instant Packaged Oatmeal!

I'm serious.

Instant oatmeal and a cup of water makes awesome fake vomit. So all you projectile purgers out there listen up if you absolutely need to put on a display vomit. Get the stuff with fruit in it, for added color and texture. Mix it in the cup with enough water to make it runny, take a swig and go to town!

Protip: Do not use indoors. This will make you 'that guy that cost your game a site', and nobody likes 'that guy'. Don't be that guy, man, he's an asshole.

Warning: Do not inhale. Harmless if swallowed.